MOTD Observations – 31 August

Welcome to a new series that will be up occasionally as we pick out little observations from epsiodes of Match of the Day. They may not be insightful, helpful or even remotely funny but they’re observations. Here, Eion Smith gives us his observations from last night…

1. Sunder-bad

So Sunderland haven’t started well but, hey, it’s only 3 games in and they shouldn’t panic just yet. However, they should start to think about panicking because they were awful. Unable to defend and creating few chances is a guaranteed relegation and the less said about that “attempt” by Ji Dong-Won the better. Paolo Di Canio has tough times ahead.

2. Mile’s The Key

Palace's key player this year
Palace’s key player this year

Crystal Palace look long shots to stay up this year but if they are going to make a fight of it then they need captain Mile Jedinak to be fit and on form. Against Sunderland he was bursting from midfield, bringing people into the game and generally driving the Eagles on to victory. If he keeps that up, then Palace may just have a chance.

3. Joleon Has Too Much Junk In The Trunk

When Sone Aluko skipped past England international Joleon Lescott, Lescott could have given up. Instead, he chose to embarrass himself further. He turned around, put his head down and pumped his arms and legs harder than he ever has before. Sadly, he went nowhere fast and looked like the overeager, unathletic kid at sports day.

4. Red Faced Brucie

Steve Bruce had a red face during the Hull game. Literally. It was really, really, really, really, very, very, very red. Amazing.

5. Pitch Pattern

Seems the Etihad groundsman fancied something different for the pitch pattern yesterday. While he stuck with the conventional checked pattern, he spiced things up by doing a small outline of the centre circle and D of each box. It was an odd sight and a damning indictment on the game that this was more interesting than what happened.

6. Fernandinho… or Ramires?

I couldn’t help but notice the fact that Fernandinho is incredibly similar to Ramires when playing – just more expensive and better.

7. Fulham

Boring
Boring

They are a boring team with a boring name, boring players and a boring season in store. Boring.

8. Gouffran Can’t Finish

Here are examples of things that Newcastle “striker” Yoann Gouffran can’t finish – any meal, simple goal scoring chances, a children’s colouring book, season 4 of Breaking Bad and school. There are many more.

9. Does Pardew Paint?

There is no way that Alan Pardew’s hair is that white naturally. He must dip his head in a tub of white paint every morning and then have someone spray on a couple of dark patches to avoid suspicion.

10. Best. Reaction. Ever.

"Oof!"
“Oof!”

I say the immortal words of the disgraced Andy Gray (“take a bow son!”) to Newcastle’s Hatem Ben Arfa. While conducting his post-match interview Ben Arfa described for the viewer his exact thought when he scored the winner. “Oof!”. Outstanding.

11. He’s Not An Enigma. He’s Just A Very Lazy Boy!

Dimitar Berbatov had a shocking day at the office at Newcastle. He did nothing, offered nothing and moaned. He was then described as “enigmatic” in the analysis. Wrong! He’s lazy, arrogant and more harmful than good most of the time for Fulham.

12. The Bearded Wonder

Many great men have had beards – Abraham Lincoln, Socrates (the Brazilian one), Charles Darwin, Chuck Norris and now there is… Bradley Johnson?! Despite being an average player, Johnson is in the process of growing a fine beard. Kudos.

13. Still Foreign To Mauricio

Appointed in December, the Southampton boss had to do all of his media engagements with a translator. Understandable for a man who had never really been to England before. However, many months have passed and it’s starting to seem as though Pochettino is either too lazy to learn or he enjoys the opportunity to say whatever he wants on TV because nobody can understand him.

14. The Uncool Gang

Jon Walters, Charlie Adam, Robert Huth, Ryan Shotton, Glenn Whelan, Steven N’Zonzi. They all have two things in common. First, they all play for Stoke. Second, I hate them all. There must be a transfer policy in place that they can only buy the most hateable players out there.

15. Pathetic West Ham

Never since Derby County in 2007/08 has a Premier League team been so awful in front of their own fans. Embarrassing.

16. Don Pennant?

Hey, look! Jermaine Pennant
Hey, look! Jermaine Pennant!

Seems that Jermaine wants to look like the most famous boxing promoter in the world, Don King.

17. Cardiff/Everton

It sucked. Badly. That’s all I can say.

18. Staging

This new thing of Gary Lineker interviewing managers after a game himself is awkward and feels very staged. They clearly asked Malky Mackay to stare at the camera and give some generic football answers before saying “thanks Gary” and going away. Totally unnecessary.

19. C.I. – Cheating Intelligent?

Leighton Baines tried to con a penalty against Cardiff and Robbie Savage proceeded to call that “intelligent”. No, Robert, it was cheating. It’s not clever, it’s cheating.

There are my observations. If you enjoyed them or felt that I missed something out then let me know here or on Twitter.

Thanks!

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