Magnificent Seven – Football On Twitter

Football on Twitter has seen a number of distinct groups of accounts form. Magnificent Seven returns to tell you what to look out for when choosing who to follow on Twitter (these are not ranked before anyone gets offended)…

7. The Idiot Accounts

This is the general quality of posts. Seriously.
This is the general quality of posts. Seriously.

Ah, the idiot accounts. Run by people with little to no functioning brain cells, they flip flop between viewpoints to suit what is currently happening. Cristiano Ronaldo is both heralded as an arrogant dick and the greatest player who ever lived, Lionel Messi is untouchable while Neymar is both overrated and proving all his haters wrong. Look out for repeated and copied posts, badly edited photos, idiotic captions and claims that are more than likely made up. Don’t even waste your time with these accounts. Unless, of course, you are a total moron.

6. The Aspiring Journalists

The aspiring journalists are a mixed bag but they all follow the same basic formula. Look out for the latest news, views and opinions on all of the major issues and their unashamed support of a team from every major league. They will tout who they write for, promote it to the moon and tweet constantly. Also be aware of the fact that they will probably have some kind of podcast.

5. The Trolls

The trolls are even bigger idiots than the idiots who run the idiot accounts. They get reactions from making tasteless and often offensive remarks about deaths or tragedies. They will pick on a team that they hate and will often be seen arguing with fans of said team claiming that they can say and do what they want without realising that they will probably be reported and banned from Twitter. They will sometimes branch out into being racist as seen with Stan Collymore’s recent fight against a bunch racist clowns.

4. The Websites

The websites are focused on one thing and one thing only – getting you to click through to their site. Their content varies depending on the site (@TBRFootball is a particularly good one) but they will generally follow the same trend – promote their posts (called rather pretentiously “articles”) and retweet anyone who is touting them. Follow them if you want to just read about football but just be careful who you do follow.

3. The Hipsters

The hipsters are a funny bunch. They will talk about general football in obscure terms, referencing Danish players from the 1960s and tactics that have been locked away from modern viewing. They naturally follow the smaller teams in the major leagues and are able to cultivate a following for these sids amongst their followers (looking at Rayo Vallecano for this one). They will label themselves hipster but often provide interesting and, sometimes, comical insights.

2. The Tacticians

The tacticians spend all their time on Twitter talking about lateral movements and enganches. They will offer in-depth tactical dissections of current matches and will talk like Premier League managers doing a coaching dissertation. Look out for diagrams with arrows drawn on with Microsoft Paint and confusing talk about lateral and off the ball movements which are key to success (apparently).

1. The Photos

Photo accounts are all the rage on Twitter. It’s a really simple formula – find some photos on Google Images and post them on Twitter. Some of these accounts are excellent (@AntiqueFootball is one I’m particularly fond of) while some are just plain bad. These accounts tend to have some kind of theme therefore there is usually something to please almost every fan. There are crowd photos, Bundesliga photos, old photos, Liverpool photos, Arsenal photos, Manchester City photos and, probably, grim injury photos too.

That sums up football on Twitter. Obviously, these are generalisations and not every football account on Twitter is like this. Choosing to follow an account is a personal choice and this should only be used as a rough guide on what to expect.

Anyway, stay tuned on The Long Ball for Where Are They Now?’s FA Cup week which starts on the 11th of May.



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